Bradley Hospital Parenting Guide:
Effective Discipline
Creative Strategies to Help Children
Meet Expectations
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If you aren't getting through to your children for some
reason, you may be able to benefit from professional help.
Experts in child development can teach you new techniques.
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If you understand the stage of development your child is in,
your expectations will be consistent with his or her
capabilities. Parental techniques work at particular stages. For
example:
With toddlers:
- Use environmental control. Childproof your house and yard so
you don't have to constantly say "no."
- Try distraction. A toddler's attention span is very short.
Instead of admonishing, replace the offending stimulus with
something more appropriate.
- Be very specific. If your child is nearing a hot stove, stop
him but make sure you say "hot" so he knows why.
- Catch your child being good and praise him often. Say,
"You hung up your coat. What a good boy!"
With young children:
- Don't argue. Let them experience the natural consequences of
their behavior. If your daughter won't put her shoes on, you can
say, "It is too cold to go outside without shoes. If you
don't put on your shoes, we can't go outside."
- Set reasonable limits or boundaries and consistently stick to
them gently but firmly. If you don't want your child to hit
another child, an adult, or a pet, you must make it clear and
try not to waver. By doing so you will help your child develop
inner control. While children may not be old enough to control
their feelings, they can begin to control their actions. If your
child is hitting, you might try to hold his or her hands and
say, "I know you are mad, but it is not okay to hit."
- Reinforce each small step toward the ultimate goal; don't
wait until your child achieves the objective. For example, if
you want your child to dress himself, praise him for getting his
shirt on, even if he doesn't make it to his socks and sneakers.
With early and late adolescents:
- Do not openly criticize unpleasant habits--nagging limits
your effectiveness. Be firm but choose your battles. Some bad
habits will go away on their own.
- Do not lecture. Lecturing usually makes a child feel ashamed,
inadequate and resentful. It is more effective to be alert for
praiseworthy behavior.
- Give your child a voice in decisions that affect him or her.
If the decision seems wrong to you, try to focus on the feelings
behind it.
Time out: If you need to discipline 
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