The Three Styles of Parenting
by Jay Reeve, PhD
Bradley Hospital psychologist
 Parents
are sometimes troubled by the fear that they are parenting the wrong
way, and that their style of parenting may have negative effects
on their children. However, research has consistently shown that
there is a broad range of acceptable parenting styles, from highly
structured to permissive. One of the keys to finding the "right"
parenting style may be the personality of the child who is being
parented. An analysis of self-report questionnaires completed by
parents and childcare professionals in the community helped us to
identify three distinct styles of parenting and the kind of children
who can benefit from them.
- The Authoritarian Style
Authoritarian parents tend to be highly structured in their approach
to child rearing. Without ever being abusive, they set high, consistent
standards of behavior for their children and tend to require obedience.
They set clear goals for children and make decisions with little
reference to the children's input. This style of parenting appears
to work very effectively in the long run for children with behavioral
or conduct disorders. These "wild kids" need clarity,
structure and authority, even though they may complain about it
in the short run. The authoritarian style tends to work less well
with shy, withdrawn children, who may be fearful or anxious with
this level of control.
- The Balanced Style
Balanced parents tend to maintain a pretty even tone in their
approach to child rearing, neither particularly firm nor particularly
lax. They tend to use considerable structure in decision making,
but will often leave the decision up to the child. This style
of parenting is very effective with middle-of-the-road kids, who
benefit from a balanced, structured approach. In contrast, children
at either end of the spectrum, whether shy or wild, may feel lost
or out of control with the balanced style.
- The Permissive Style
Permissive parents tend to let their children make many decisions,
without being neglectful or careless of the child. While there
has been a lot of negative comment recently about permissive parenting,
this is actually the ideal parenting style for shy, withdrawn
children, who need lots of love and encouragement, without too
much structure, in order to let themselves begin to form relationships.
On the other hand, this parenting style does not work well for
rebellious or aggressive children, who need firmer limits to rein
in their impulsiveness.
The important task in parenting appears to be matching your style
to that of your child. This guide can help you recognize the style
that can make things easier in dealing with your child.
Source: This
article was originally published in Rhode Island Family Guide.
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