Bradley Hospital Parenting Guide:
Parent/Child Communication
Children and Teenagers:
How to Talk So Your Parents Will Listen
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If things seem overwhelming, Bradley Hospital has
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and family therapy designed to improve communication within
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Talking with your parents isn't really very different from talking
with your friends.
Think about it. The friends you like the most probably are honest
with you, show up on time when you have someplace to go, know when
to back off because you need some space, and don't try to act like
people they're not. So you respect who they are, care about them
and like to be around them.
Communication Tips
Parents and teenagers can have the same kind of relationship. If
there seems to be a breakdown in communication with your parents,
try these suggestions:
- Say what you mean, and be specific. Don't say, "I hate
French. The teacher's a jerk, and everyone is flunking,"
if what you're really trying to say is, "I know this will
upset you, but I got my French grade today, and it's terrible."
- Try not to be defensive. If your mom asks what time you'll be
home, don't assume she thinks you're sneaking around or doing
drugs. She is probably concerned about your well-being, and knowing
you'll be home at a certain time eases her worry when you're not
at home.
- The same theory applies to your dad. If he asks you who's driving
you to the concert, don't assume he thinks all your friends are
irresponsible and so are you. Knowing where you'll be and who
you're with makes it easier for him to give you more freedom.
- Give your parents a chance to think things over. It isn't fair
to ask for something you want if you need an answer immediately.
Allowing extra time also shows your parents that you think the
issue is important enough to deserve attention from them.
- Don't put your parents in the position of guessing what is important
to you. Tell them and make sure you think things over first. If
everything you bring up seems crucial, your parents will be confused
about your priorities.
- Try to pick a time to talk that is good for you and for your
parents. If they can't talk to you at that moment, it doesn't
mean they're not interested. Ask them to suggest a time that's
better for both of you.
- Introduce your parents to things you enjoy. For example, if
there's a new group whose music you like, ask them if they want
to hear it. Tell them why you think it's great. It will be a refreshing
change for your parents to learn from you.
- Give a copy of this to your parents. It might help them to see
things more the way you do.
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