The Illusion of Prom Perfection
April 19, 2005
As spring gets underway, so does the onset of high school prom
season. Nationwide, many adolescents—especially girls—are
faced with prom jitters and worries that stem from the pressure
to have a “perfect evening.” For many teens, this includes
finding a date, shedding pounds, having sex, drinking alcohol,
attending post-prom parties and shopping for a dress.
How can teens and parents cope with these anxieties born out
of a high school dance? Experts at Bradley Hospital and Rhode
Island Hospital offer the following tips for handling issues associated
with attending prom such as stress, sex and alcohol.
Stressed about the Prom?
Parents should encourage hobbies and other skills, and downplay
the importance of appearance, says Jennifer Dyl, PhD, a child
psychologist at Bradley Hospital. To alleviate the pressure of
finding a prom date, she suggests that parents should convey to
teens that it can be just as much fun (if not more fun) to attend
the prom with a group of friends.
“Parents should continually give girls positive feedback
on aspects of themselves unrelated to appearance and dress size”,
says Dyl. “However, if daughters begin to obsess about dress
size, or needing to look ‘perfect’ for the prom, it
may help to remind them that the images in teen magazines are
not real, and tricks such as airbrushing are marketing techniques
used to sell dresses and cosmetics.”
She also suggests challenging the rigid, “all-or-none thinking”
behind the idea that every detail of the prom must be perfect.
Ask teens what their happiest memories in life have been so far.
Most likely it was during spontaneous events that weren’t
planned in minute detail.
S-E-X—Not just a three letter word
While prom is technically about a last dance for high school
seniors, it remains a persistent cultural icon as venue for sexual
activity. According to Larry Brown, MD with the Bradley Hasbro
Children’s Research Center, too frequently we refer to talking
to our teenage children about sex as “Having the big talk”.
The label “Big Talk” is misleading because it implies
that the talk only happens once and that it is a torturous event.
“Neither is true—there can be multiple talks, and you
can use day-to-day, natural opportunities, such as remarking about
sex presented on a TV show, to start a conversation,” says
Brown.
He notes that a 15-minute ride to the grocery store or to school
is plenty of time to start a conversation, and that small sound
bytes can be more effective than 1-hour conversations that may
leave your teen feeling overwhelmed.
In order to elicit a two-way conversation, parents should refrain
from passing judgment, and initiate a conversation by asking the
teen’s opinion—for example, say “I heard this on
the news, what did you think about that?” rather than “I
cannot believe 14-15-year-olds are having sex.”
“Passing judgment will close doors to future conversations,”
says Brown.
Drinks, drugs and driving, oh my!
While proms themselves might be alcohol-free, the parties before
and afterwards tend to be magnets for underage drinking and drug
use which can in turn lead to teens driving while intoxicated.
One program in Rhode Island is working to show teens just how
risky driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol can be so
they can stop their behavior before they hurt themselves or others.
Reducing Youthful Dangerous Driving (RYDD), a program administered
through the Injury Prevention Center at Rhode Island Hospital,
aims to reduce alcohol and drug-related offenses such as reckless
and aggressive driving by young adult offenders. The state courts
refer 16 to 20 year olds that have been cited for traffic violations—from
a speeding ticket to drunk driving—to the RYDD program.
Program participants must attend two group sessions to talk about
driving laws, speak with police officers and review the dangers
of their offense, volunteer during two nighttime weekend shifts
in the emergency department of Rhode Island Hospital, process
the visit with counselors and write an essay about their experience
for their judge
“Since weekend nights are the busiest time to see the types
of injuries that can occur as a result of dangerous driving, teens
have a chance see what may happen if they continue their risky
behavior,” says Lucy Whitford, RYDD program coordinator at
the Injury Prevention Center. “The program has a powerful
impact on teens as they see, from a sober perspective, the dangers
of being intoxicated or high.”
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