Bullying and Harassment Stop When Parents Help Break the Silence

by Steven Barreto, PhD
Bradley Hospital child and family psychologist

Many children face each school day overwhelmed by the silent fear of harassment by other school children. Statistics show that nationally up to 16 percent of children and teens are harassed or bullied by other children in their school. Bullies target younger victims, looking for children who show signs of anxiety or vulnerability, such as the "deer in the headlights stare." Bullies can be quite popular and teachers can be reluctant to directly confront bullies about their behavior.

Signs of Bullying

Children may be too frightened to talk about the problem. Parents should be alert to the early warning signs of harassment, including changes in the child's appearance or behavior.

Torn, damaged or missing clothing, books, or belongings are clues to harassment.
Unexplained injuries also may signal physical harassment.
Children may be fearful about attending school, walking to the bus, or they may lose interest in schoolwork.
They may choose an unusual route to get to school.
Emotional changes may be another sign of the stress of harassment; these changes include unexpected mood shifts or poor appetite, headaches and stomachaches.

Children may even steal money from family members rather than admit harassment.

Bully Solutions

Bullying and harassment thrive on silence. Parents can break the silence by talking with their children about strategies for dealing with bullies. Kids can be encouraged to practice looking assertive and confident, to speak firmly and to practice comeback lines that are short and funny. With their parents' help, kids can develop alternate routes to bus or school, avoid places where bullies hang out, sit near the bus driver or walk with friends. Kids should also be encouraged not to give up and to join clubs and other social groups to widen their safe social circle.

Parents can team up with teachers and schools by asking for a school conference to address the problem. Parents should keep a detailed record of harassment and the ways in which the school is handling the situation.

Teachers can be encouraged to involve students in creating classroom rules against bullying. Teachers should have a serious talk with the bully, explaining such behavior is not acceptable and explaining the negative consequences. Involving the bully's parents in these discussions can be very helpful. Of course, teachers also should listen to the victim's concerns and document episodes of bullying.

There are many creative classroom solutions that will ease children's fear of retaliation, including anonymous drop boxes and surveys of bullying and harassment among the student population. Parents can even establish a parent-teacher bullying prevention coordinating committee in their school. In the neighborhood, parents can team up to make their children's routes to school safer and to be on the lookout for harassment.

Bullying Prevention Guidelines

Don't ignore the problem! Leaving kids alone to deal with bullying doesn't make them tougher—it makes them more vulnerable.
Look for the signs of harassment because children may be too frightened to tell you.
Help teachers and schools become more aware of the problem.
Take steps to make the neighborhood safe.
Talk to your children about how to protect themselves.
Seek help from a mental health professional if necessary.

Source: This article was originally published in Rhode Island Family Guide.

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