Happy or Horrible Halloween?

When “Make Believe” Causes “Real” Fears

While Halloween can be fun for children, it can also be confusing as they struggle to distinguish between what is “real” and what is “make believe.” For some children, this confusion can interfere with their normal functioning by causing intense fear, difficulty sleeping and nightmares.

According to Jennifer Kittler, PhD, a psychologist at Bradley Hospital, “Children gradually develop the ability to distinguish between reality and fantasy. Some can make distinctions between ‘real’ and ‘make believe’ as early as age three or four, but many children still become confused about this up through the early grade school years.”

Making the Distinction

There are ways parents can help their children make the distinction. Kittler says, “Parents can talk to their children about the difference between reality and fantasy, explaining that movies and TV shows contain actors who are pretending, just like kids pretend when they play.” Kittler suggests providing examples of things that are real, like cars and houses, and things that are not real, like monsters and dragons.

When it comes to Halloween in particular, “parents can explain the holiday as a time for people to have fun by dressing up and pretending,” says Kittler. “Parents can remind their kids that the scary characters they see during Halloween are just for fun, and they’re not real.”

To help very young children—particularly toddlers and preschoolers—“parents can try on costumes for their children, showing that they are still their ‘real selves’ underneath the costume or mask,” advises Kittler. “For example, a parent might put on and take off a somewhat scary, but not graphic or gory, mask several times to show a young child how the mask works. Go ahead and let the child practice putting on the mask to learn that the people underneath masks and costumes are familiar and not frightening.”

What’s Age-Appropriate

It can be difficult to know what is age-appropriate for children. When it comes to Halloween movies and activities, “parents can rely to some extent on movie ratings and age guidelines provided by some haunted houses to determine what is appropriate,” says Kittler, “but they should use their child’s temperament and behavior as the ultimate guide.”

Kittler also notes, “Children who enjoy novelty and stimulation, like amusement park rides and meeting new people, and who are not typically fearful or easily overwhelmed, are more likely to enjoy scary movies and haunted houses than those who tend to be fearful of new situations or slow to warm up to people.” Kittler recommends parents wait for the child to express interest in the scary movie or haunted house, and be alert for signs of anxiety, including asking a lot of questions about whether it is “safe” or “real,” appearing frightened or acting clingy both before and during the experience.

Get Over It

According to Kittler, children should not be forced into participation in Halloween activities to “get over” their fears. “Unlike fears of everyday experiences that may interfere with functioning, such as being afraid of dogs or heights, being afraid of haunted houses and horror movies is normal; those things are supposed to be scary.” Kittler urges, “It’s not really important for children to ‘get over’ these fears unless they want to, as some children and adults never care for frightening costumes or movies, while others love these aspects of Halloween.”

Kittler says that “the important factor in determining whether the fear is something to be concerned about is whether the child’s fearfulness interferes with his or her functioning or causes him or her a great deal of distress, like having frequent nightmares or dreading the week of Halloween. Such serious fears merit a discussion with your child, and possibly your pediatrician or a mental health care provider.”

If children do express interest in these activities, it’s important for parents to be sure that they are really doing so because they think it will be fun and exciting, not because they feel pressured to do so by older or same-age peers. Parents can prepare the child for what he or she is likely to see and experience, reminding the child that the characters and events are not real and are meant to be fun, entertaining and a little scary. Kittler says, “Let children know it’s okay to ask to leave if they do not like it. If possible, parents should accompany children if it is their first time going in a haunted house or watching a scary movie.”

Fearless Fun

There are many fun Halloween activities for children who do not enjoy being spooked. Picking or carving pumpkins, going on hayrides, and bobbing for apples are just a few. Younger children can choose a costume that is imaginative but not scary, and the family can focus on the fun, not spooky, aspects of Halloween.

For children who are afraid of having trick-or-treaters come to their front door, Kittler has some suggestions:

• Parents can prohibit trick-or-treaters

• They can assign door duty to an older child or adult.

• They can post a sign on the door asking trick-or-treaters to remove their masks before ringing the bell. Masks are the part of costumes that most children find the most frightening. Having trick-or-treaters remove their masks may allow a fearful child to view costumes and dispense candy without feeling as frightened.

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