Children Learn to Problem-Solve
It's common for parents to try to shield their children from conflict but the effort is unrealistic and may ultimately be harmful. Children will undoubtedly face conflicts of many kinds as they grow; the best parents can do is to prepare their children to successfully solve problems in the face of conflict.
Conflict, making mistakes and helping children learn how to overcome them were topics of the most recent "Speaking of Kids," a series of programs offered to parents, teachers and anyone who cares for children.
During "Teaching Kids How to Problem Solve," Tracey Sutton, MSW, LICSW at Bradley Hospital said that experimentation and making mistakes on the path to a solution are not only natural—they also make learning meaningful to children. One way that children may learn to solve problems is through compromise with another person. This type of problem solving is especially important, as children who learn this skill early are often less egocentric and more accepting of different perspectives.
A common example of an early childhood conflict is sharing a toy with a sibling. In this and other basic childhood conflicts, parents have a golden opportunity to demonstrate the importance of a fair argument and maintaining respect for those with whom one disagrees. If a parent acts as a mediator, he or she should demonstrate patience, good listening and a non-aggressive expression of feelings. Parents should encourage their children to speak freely about their own feelings or concerns, while remembering to listen carefully to the concerns of the person with whom they disagree.
The use of "I" statements may also prove helpful in problem solving. For example, a parent might teach a child to say, "I was sad when you took the toy without asking," rather than "You were mean when you took my toy." The use of the "I," non-accusing statements often leads to swifter resolution of a problem.
Although parents should accept that their child will inevitably face conflicts in life, there are steps parents can take to reduce the possibility for conflict in their own household. Sutton recommends that in houses with several children, parents should pay equal attention to each child's needs and not compare one child to another. Favoritism, real or perceived, may create jealousy and conflict among siblings. Sutton also suggests that parents be generous with affection, clearly lay out ground rules and stick to them, so that there is no reason for a child to be surprised or hurt when disciplinary measures are taken.
Speaking of Kids programs are free and open to the public. All programs are handicapped accessible. The Speaking of Kids series is sponsored by CVS/pharmacy. For more information, please call 401-444-4800 or 1-800-927-1230 or visit our website.
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