Bullying Among Children: How to Recognize It and How Parents Can Help 

It’s an unfortunate truth but bullying exists nearly everywhere. From the playground to the workplace, social media to the political sphere, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to escape. 

That is why it is critical for everyone to understand bullying for what it is and have a toolbox to manage it. Parents, caregivers, educators, and children need concrete strategies to recognize bullying, decrease its frequency, and lessen its impact on children’s everyday life. 

What is bullying?

The stopbullying.org website defines bullying as “unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance” that is often repeated over time and has long-lasting consequences.  

The profile of a bully

Unfortunately, there is no single character profile for bullies or their victims; however, common themes have emerged. 

• Bullying often starts at home. It’s common to find that bullying behaviors are learned at home. Children who are exposed to domestic violence or who've been neglected or abused are more likely to be bullies. Of course, that's not always true.
• Psychological aspects. Psychologically, bullies tend to inaccurately interpret others’ intentions as being more malicious than they truly are. In turn, bullies might perceive those individuals as hostile and start to believe that their own bullying behaviors are justified. 
• Physical traits. Children who are physically stronger than others often recognize their power imbalance during their younger years. Some bullies may utilize this physical imbalance to assert their dominance by engaging in bullying behaviors. As children get older, physical bullying tends to decrease in frequency and give way to more relational forms of bullying.
• Gender. Historically, boys were more likely to bully than girls due to the gender imbalance in physical strength. Female bullies tend to engage in more relational forms of bullying, with behaviors including social exclusion, name-calling, and teasing. With the increasing use of technology and the associated rise of cyberbullying (such as posting embarrassing photos or videos online), girls have recently become more frequent perpetrators of bullying.  

Signs and Symptoms of Bullying

Knowing the signs and symptoms of bullying can help parents and caregivers recognize when there is a problem. Some red flags and signs of something being “off” include:

• children coming home with injuries or broken personal items
• an aversion to going to school
• failing classes or lower grades
• changes in appetite (eating too much or too little) 
• a shift in confidence and self-esteem 
• recurring physical symptoms such as headache, stomachache, fatigue 

How Can Parents Safely Intervene in Bullying?

One of the dangerous side effects of bullying is that kids often become embarrassed about their situation and try to hide it. This only leads to mounting emotional angst and may eventually result in self-harm. The last thing a parent wants to do is make the bullying situation worse. Yet, it pains them to see their child hurting.

The following are viable parental strategies: 

Talk is key

Parents should routinely talk to their children about how they’re being treated by their peers—as well as how they are treating their peers.

Get the school involved

Contact the child’s teacher about the bullying. Teachers tend to have many students and they may not even realize the bullying is taking place. Simple steps like changing classes or even switching seat placement can help. If that doesn’t resolve the issue, parents are rightfully encouraged to heighten the complaint to the principal or superintendent—or even local authorities, if danger is elevated.

Provide children with tips they can use

There are several tactics parents can offer children to manage bullying.

• Walk away. Parents can advise children to remove themselves from the situation by either physically walking away or staying off online sites where bullying is happening. Parents can also play a more active role by setting limits on technology use and their children’s use of certain social media if they are dealing with cyberbullying. 
• The power of humor. Laughter has a power all its own. Encouraging your child to try to diffuse bullying with humor is another approach parents can suggest.
• Connection and support. Parents can help to foster positive relationships with friendly peers by getting their children involved in after school programs, community activities, coordinating sleepovers, etc. These positive relationships can help by providing friends who can directly step in and intervene when they see bullying occurring. This can also help to manage the negative consequences of bullying itself by fostering positive relationships and greater self-esteem. 
• DON’T physically fight back. Many parents often recommend that their children “just fight back,” believing this will make the bullying behaviors stop. While this folk advice is widely repeated, physically fighting back often exposes children to harm and consequences while often not making the bullies stop bullying.

What If Your Child Is the Bully?

In some cases, parents may not even realize their child is the bully. It’s a difficult place to be when you come to learn what is happening. 

When you do learn the truth, parents can intervene by stepping in and doing some modeling at home to show that bullying is not acceptable behavior. From an intervention standpoint, getting your child involved in a group focused on social skills can be extremely helpful. 

There very well could be some underlying causes the child is experiencing such as ADHD, depression, or low self-esteem that can lead to bullying behaviors. If that’s the case, we want mental health professionals to step in, evaluate, and start creating a treatment plan so we're able to change things for those children.

As parents, you can help your child face bullies and avoid the negative impacts, and we encourage you to learn more about bullying and continue to talk with your children.